The concept of a Character

Notes on building a self: Finding purpose through escapism.

I created my first World of Warcraft character when I was eleven years old. I got consumed in this new virtual world; in the act of being able to use magic, kill, and explore the unknown. I got so obsessed in the next 4 years that I ended up becoming the best demonology warlock on my realm, winning two dueling competitions — a 79-level twink tournament, and another 80s-only, that I got invited to (with my 79-level warlock) which I ended up winning, too.

I didn’t understand it then, but this was essentially the first time I built a character to escape reality. And also the first time losing one, and letting myself become purposeless.

By the time I turned sixteen, the game (World of Warcraft) had progressed to a place in which I did not find joy in playing anymore. All my friends had either started doing soccer, or going to the gym, and so I naturally mimicked the social trend I found myself in and started lifting weights and seeking love. The problem I found with this period, is that I did not have a “character to become”, and that made me turn to experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and careless one-night stands.

The second character I “created” was when I watched Mr. Robot, and started my first job as a systems administrator. Freshly dropped out of university, I entered the job market at the age of 19, and by the time I turned 22 I was a senior engineer, nearly capped at the salary ceiling for where I live. I also consulted on multiple side-projects, won a $25k hackathon, and became proficient in a very large set of technologies.

By the time I turned 24, LLMs had taken their lead and I was now able to do what would otherwise take me half a year (or even more), in just a few weeks, alone. Realizing that what I previously considered my specialty (becoming extremely good in software) was now provided to all the people in the world at the price of $99 and named Claude Code, I solidified the realization that my second character was gone. The quality of the models had not stopped improving ever since.

Most of us create those fictional characters with one goal: to escape reality. And we do. Until something or someone forces us back into the real world.

The thing with becoming a character is that in its core, it is a delusion. Those delusions have such powerful impact on our internal world, that we end up being capable of unimaginable progress (and in some unfortunate cases — destruction). However, being delusional is not well-perceived from the outside and people often can’t understand our characters. This is especially true in the unlucky cases where someone tries to explain their “character” to others — a common reaction they would very possibly get is laughter and (ironically) an exclamation, “Bro thinks he is him!”.

I think, without realizing the reason back then, both of the times when I was at most “inside my character”, I was doing my best to be as far away from people who would otherwise “break my character”. I was either alone, or with people who in one way or another, fitted the domain my character was in. People, who would let me be who I wanted to become, and not question my motives.

What I understand now, and after talking to many friends about “delusions” and “escapism” during the years, are two things. One: that allowing yourself to become consumed by a fictional character, whether you realize it or not, is a great way to channel your internal struggles into constructive progress. And two: a character is only alive as long as it is not revealed.